About a month ago I was walking on Bloor in front of one of the many, many small grocery stores that have fruit and flowers and fire logs and watermelons spilling onto the sidewalk via tables and stands and upturned milk crates, and it was here that I saw an unwanted sight. Not a person begging or a vested weiner with the worst job on earth asking if I have a second to chat about being “a girl” – this was a far grosser spectacle: two “lovers” (barfbarfbarf) entwined, wearing very neutral clothing – their casual friday best – sitting on the SIDEWALK in front of all the fruit covered in wasps and flies atop card-tables covered in newspaper, posing while a photographer took pictures. These were Engagement Photos. The most unnatural form of photography or posing or even of BEING in the world. No couple acts the way their engagement photos portray them. Standing one in front of the other, arms around the waist, a hand so casually placed on the other’s… cheek? Why are you touching his face, unseeing as he stands behind you? Why are you wearing sweater vests in July? Why are you trying to convince your friends and family that this beige cable-knit heinousness REPRESENTS YOUR LOVE. This is what your love is like?
Obviously this pair met at this crappy corner grocery and so to illuminate the path of their romantic destiny, they sat on a grimy sidewalk in front of a gentleman begging with an empty Tim Horton’s cup and they gazed awkwardly at each other while a photo journalist recently laid off from every newspaper in Canada tried to make her rent.
The situation got me a-thinking: What would the photos look like if the engaged couple actually acted out their relationship? (Giant preamble finally coming to a head…) AAAaaaaaand so I bring you a few doodles on this topic:
The Couple That Stays Together: Engagment Photos that Reflect the Real Lives of the Couple.
(I would sincerely love to see someone send out pictures like these).
These two, if it is not clear, are robbing the 3rd gentleman. (He’s got the gun, she’s got the wallet)
“With this piece of the Triforce, I thee wed”
Him: “hun dont mess my hair. xo”
Her: “im caressing ur ckeek, u ass”
We have all met these two.
More couple drawings on Wednesday! Follow me on twitter! @GillianGoerz (There’s a button on the side bar now! I did that! Computer wizard! Updates every Wed & Sat! Tell your friends! Sign up for whatever an RSS feeds is! Or don’t! I can’t tell you how to live your life! I am not your father! I have NO SON!)