Tag Archives: Toddlers & Tiaras

“Glamerous Beauties”: the Article

Speaking of child beauty pageants (oddly, not sarcasm), Jezebel had a hilarious post from Normal Woman (to be differentiated from a Pageant Mom, which is  the title of another country altogether, one located far from the planet Earth) Tracie Egan Morrissey, who entered her baby in a pageant, “for the story”.  And quite a story it is:

 

(Obviously this photo is not mine but Tracie’s and is compliments of and referring to the Jezebel article in question. Now click that link:)

 

Read it, weep, then have a chuckle or a bit of a laugh as you look over the ever-growing collection of pageant baby gifs that I keep making (for some reason*) and see how exaggerated they apparently are not.   The article even references an actual toddler in a Madonna cone bra, which I really thought I was “hilarious” and “over the top” when I drew it here, but when Julia Robert’s hooker outfit from Pretty Woman is something mother’s dress their 3 year olds in, then a cone bra is… child’s play. (yessss)

*  A friend recently asked me what the joke was with all of the gifs and I had no response. Now I see my response should have been to say, “The job of the artist is always to deepen the mystery.~Francis Bacon”  and then punch myself in the face. I have no idea why I keep making these ridiculous gifs, is the answer.

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Oh No You Di-in’t!

This is Magenta (her parents think they are the first people to use “Magenta” as a name).  Her sassy attitude won her Grand Supreme at the Glitter Smiles Princess Pageant and she’s sure to take home a crown today!  Her favourite food is popsicles and her favourite colour is – Oh no you di’in’t – oh yes they did – MAGENTA!

On twitter: @GillianGoerz

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Li’l Dizzy Tails

Meet Cherise!  Cherise is 9 years old, her favourite colour is aquamarine, and her favourite food is cake.  She loves to spin around, but hates being dizzy.

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Sahara believes in Flower Power.

Welcome Sahara to the stage!  Sahara is 8 years old, with blonde hair and blue eyes! Her favourite food is milk, her favourite colour is baby pink and she believes in flower power!

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Lil’ Sugar!

Lil’ Sugar is 6 years old, her favourite food is steak and her favourite colour is Rainbow!  When she grows up she wants to have a jet ski!

 

Baby Madonna

Madison’s talent is vogueing. Her favourite colour is silver, and her best friend is her budgie named Wee Wee.

 

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“Glamerous” Beauty

After watching an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras (“working”), I made this very glamorous drawing… in which I misspell “Glamorous”.

Oh, how it amuses me!  These made-up children exploited for comic value! And their terrible, terrible parents! Some of the parents on this episode were actually quite lovely and supportive and their kids were into pageants, legitimately. But one lone mother and her darling hellcat inspired the above… and the below. From such lofty inspiration as T&T, I made my first animated gif (complete with uncorrected spelling error. Le SIGH).

She her shimmer!  She’s a STAR.